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Learning to Fight Back

2/24/2022

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PictureMe and my kids, in the thick of our stroller running days.
As a female runner, I hardly feel safe when running alone. There’s a little voice in the back of my head, telling me the horror stories of female runners before me. A little voice reminding me of the times I’ve been stalked, touched (I’ve had bikers assault me on a rec path) and yes, even the times I’ve had others try to abduct me while I was running. When I started running with a stroller I felt a little safer. Children in a stroller complicate things for a would be-rapist or attacker. The lone stroller would attract a lot of attention and there’d be more unknown variables with screaming kids around. My stroller was like a safety blanket and we ran everywhere, freely.

​Well, I’ve been a Stroller Warrior for 12 years now. My children are getting older and while they’re not out of the stroller entirely yet, I’ve had a lot more stroller free runs while they’re in school. I’ve begun to feel the need to learn to protect myself. What if I was attacked on a run? Would I know what to do? Would I be able to get away? I’m the kind of person who thinks of a “plan” in the event of x,y,z and if I ever was rushed and someone tried to attack me, my plan was to step wide to make a wide, firm base, and hope that they got thrown off track and I stayed stable so I could run away. That was the entirety of my plan. I had no idea what to do when/if we actually hit the ground together. Or even if we were face to face, with an attack imminent.

PictureMy husband and I signed up together, and had our first day together!
In preparation for a return to the States after living in Okinawa, Japan (maybe the safest place on earth? Certainly dubbed the “happiest” by most of the world!), I wanted to learn some self defense. Long ago I picked Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for my kids to do as a sport. After working for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, I wanted my kids to have the ability to defend themselves. I liked that Jiu Jitsu gave them muscle memory and hands-on experiences. I knew from researching that 90% of fights ended up on the ground and if you could gain or maintain ground control, you had a MUCH better chance of winning; of living. I had watched my children for years but never took any classes myself. In preparation for stroller-less running, I signed up.

Picture
​So, at 38 years-old, I entered the matted room on base and walked into an entirely new world. I’ve been training for 8 months now and have one stripe on my white belt. I’ve completed in one tournament and took home Gold, beating out two other competitors. I have learned to fight from the ground, on my back. I have learned to choke someone out with my legs (it’s called a triangle choke). Who knew you could choke with your legs?! I primarily “roll,” aka fight, male marines and I’ve learned that I’m so much stronger than I give myself credit for. My running has been an incredible asset to me, which I particularly noticed in the tournament. When I am training BJJ, I didn’t tailor my running at all. I figured if I’m going to get attacked, I’d most likely get attacked on a run. So learning to fight while tired was a goal of mine. So on Saturdays I’d do my long run at 5am, generally around 12 miles, and then go to open mat where I’d spar for 2 hours. When competition day came, my stamina was incredible. I was hardly tired while my competitor looks clearly gassed.

Picture
BJJ hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine. I’ve injured my ribs, and continually have bruises. But in the past 8 months I also have been injured just walking down the steps! (My socks slipped). To me, an injury while learning is part of the game and I’m not afraid of it. Nothing worth fighting for is ever going to come easy, and I have a lot more to learn.

​​I’ve grown in confidence and am learning not only how to choke but how to protect from a choke. Sparing/defending yourself ignites something primal and I am learning how to breathe through that and regain my mental focus in a fight. My friend Anne and fellow runner who is blue belt in BJJ said, “my goal if attacked is always to be a big enough pain that they’ll decide I’m not worth it and go away.”


Before BJJ, had I been attacked, I think once we hit the ground I probably would have tried to talk to them, to play nice and get them to realize I’m a human, a mom. Now, I know when we hit the ground that’s when the fun really begins and I’m not stopping until you run away, I can run away or you passed out from me choking you.


If you’ve ever felt scared for your safety on a run. Consider taking some martial arts or self dense classes. There are a variety of options to choose from and all of them will help your knowledge and confidence grow.


Happy Running!
Kelly



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